From the Hackenthorpe Book of Lies, 1963 edition:

Did you know ....

In the script for the 1941 film "Citizen Kane", the sled, "Rosebud", was originally named "Mr. Sled". Some felt that this eliminated some of the film's suspense and intrigue. However, during screenings for Hollywood liberals, many of them jumped up from their seats yelling "I figured it out - Mr. Sled was the Sled!"

Alfred Hitchcock 1963 movie "The Birds" was originally titled "The cows" and was to be done with ponies dressed as (you might have guessed) cows. After only one day of shooting in the can it was apparent the ponies' poo just was too much to take. Alfred Hitchcock was quoted as saying, "We changed to birds sure they poo but you can wipe it off.

The Welch Historical Society

Welcome to this evenings meeting of the Welch Historical Society for our township.
Well let’s just start our lecture.
First slide please.
*Click!*
This is the town bridge that was built in 1878. It was designed and constructed entirely without any Welch assistance.
Next slide please.
*Click!*
Ah, this is Memorial Hall built in recognition of all the brave men that fought in the Civil War.
The township sent over 1500 brave souls to battle none of which were Welch.

The R.G.A.

*Knock, knock, knock!*
Yes?
Hi, we’re from the R.G.A.
What’s that?
The rampaging Gorilla assassins control board. Have you been having any trouble with Gorilla infestations?
Of course not!
Mind if we come in and check, your neighbor had a real bad infestation.
What?!
Yeah, we’re bringing a Gorilla out of there now.
That’s not a Gorilla that’s my neighbor, he just happens to be kind of hairy.
Well, if he’s human why doesn’t he talk and tell us he’s human?
You got duck tape over his mouth!
Sir, I’m sorry, but we’re going to have to take you in to.
Why!
It’s obvious that you’re aiding and abetting this Gorilla!

The TV Charity Drive

In some third world countries people just aren’t allowed to go potty. That’s why Support Peoples Potty was formed.

I’m Sally Slumber and this is my friend Marko, he hasn’t been to the bathroom in fourteen years. He can’t go to the beach the crashing waves drive him crazy. Wouldn’t you like to see him for once without his eyes crossed?

So please give generously to the S.P.P.
The Support Peoples Potty fund.

The New A.D.T.

*Knock, knock, knock!*
Yes?
Hi son, are your parents home? We’re from the A.D.T.
Are you the Atheist drug test guys?
No, that testing program was canceled. It now stands for the Adult drug test.
Wow, mister can I get tested?
No kid it’s just for adults. Are your parents at home?
Ah come on, test me. I’ll give you a lick of my lollypop…but, I get the first lick.
No, now go find your parents or I'll throw you in the garbage...overhand.
I’ll be your friend?
And I’ll hold the dumpster open.
Ahhhhh, come on mister give me the test.
*Waaaaaa! Thump…slam!*
Wow! Mister that was fun, throw me in again.

The A.D.T.

*Knock, knock, knock!*
Yes?
Hi, we’re from the A.D.T.
What’s that?
Atheist Drug Test.
What?
Just drink this and we’ll get the test underway.
I’m not drinking that!
Hold his noise George and I’ll pour.
Muff…gathhhh…blubb!!
Ok, let’s check the results.
*Tic…tic…tic…ding!*
Ok, so you’re an atheist.
What, I’m not an atheist!
Oh, yes you are just look at the graph, see… atheist. Don’t lie to us!
Try turning the graph around.
Oh, so you’re a Christian. Sorry about that.