Horoscope

Zzzzzzzzzzz.

As soon as I hit my bed I could feel the gentle hands of sleep thrash me into slumber.

Animal Psychic

I was watching TV last night when I stumbled on a show with an Animal Psychic telling their pet owners what the animal was thinking. I tried to see if I to had some psychic abilities with my pet cat.

I looked at my cat and found I could clearly hear what she was thinking.
“If you put food in my dish I will eat it.”
“If you drop food on the floor I will eat it.”
“If you want to learn how to eat I can show you.”
“If you don’t feed me I’ll kill you and eat you. You might even taste good – hay stranger things have happened.”
And with a vague gesturing with her paw, “Food goes in here.”

I gave her two cans of cat food that night I wanted to sleep well.

Ape

Fine Dining

If you’re having a fairly ambiguous meal at a fast food place why not make a soda surprise.

Just take your soda cup over to the soda fountain press every button and wave your cup under every jet of beverage that comes out. If you’re too young to read or just don’t care, you then go over to that coffee machine and shoot some of the brown liquid in also.

If your luck holds you might be able to slip it to your sister.

It’s called soda surprise after the inventor of the beverage said when drinking some, ”Yuuuggghhha! It’s a surprise I didn’t throw up!”

Obscure Bands

Everyone should have a favorite band that never hit it big. For me it’s Gentle Giant. You might have to find a different band to like, but it is nice to show a little musical depth in a pop cultural world.

You will still run into someone that only listens to classical music that will be woefully unimpressed with this. So keep at least one very obscure classical music CD in your collection and a card in your wallet with its liner notes to read to them. Ask them if they have any favorite string octets. If they say yes or no say, “Oh” dismissively, “you looked like a string octet liker to me – maybe you would rather talk about football?”

About CDs

These are not a standard rule but seem to ring true.
1. The first song on a CD will be the most up-tempo song on the CD and the last song will be the slowest and saddest song on the CD. If the first song is slow and sad the last song will be even slower and sadder.
2. Most soundtracks are best of various artists. There are soundtracks of the scores written for movies, but the best of various artists soundtracks are the ones that make money.
3. Classical music doesn’t sell as well as popular music, but popular music is always being replaced because of boredom. So Classical music sells less but lasts longer. And popular music sells better for a shorter time.
4. If you really like a song it never sells well.
5. If you hate a song with every fiber of your being that will be the only song the radio ever seems to play.
6. CD cases shatter like fine bone china.

Don't Copy Anything

I did it! I figured out how to stop copyright problems with music, software, and printing. Make it illegal to copy anything at all even for record companies, computer software companies, and printers. Yes, even companies would only be able to make one CD, Software, or Book. Any other one but that first one would be a copy. When everything is illegal everyone will have to look the other way.