A Dogs Revenge

As I walked my dog
On sidewalk strong
What do you think I see
In the street
A man did stand
Calmly taking a pee.

I said kind sir
For a sir I see you be
From danger your not free
From bus or car
That have traveled far
Could pound you to the tar.

As he glared at me
He left the street
And looked at me quite bold
And zipped his fly
With a smile dry
As he was walking by.

But soon that man
Did stop and stand
And look down at his shoe
And with his hands
He madly fanned
For now he stood in my dogs pooh.

And they all lived happily ever after somewhere else.

Tap picture for punch line

Chicago Crime Archive

It was a rainy night in Chicago, the kind that comes down hard and runs all the trash down the storm drains. Too bad it can’t run all the human trash down the drain to.

I got a call from Sergeant Edward; he wanted me down at Fifth Street right away. I needed another case anyway.

I worked my way through the crowd of crime scene onlookers - Man, I hate them clowns.
When I stepped over the yellow police tape I said, “You guys are mistaken, the circus is on the other side of town.”

One of the boys in blue smiled and said, “Hay, Brad, I hope you ain’t ate yet, cause you’ll loose it soon enough going in there. I don’t envy a private dick on this one?” “Yo, Bobby boy, I got a sandwich in my pocket.”

When I went in the front door Sergeant Edward waved me over. They were just pulling the sheet over the burnt out light bulb. Edward said, “That bulb hasn’t been dead long Brad, but them $#*! Homeowners, the old bulb isn’t even cold yet and they already got some new bulb to replace him.”

Book Review

I am halfway threw a joke book called “Awesome Good Clean Jokes For Kids” by Bob Phillips. How nice I thought, a book of jokes that kids can tell each other or maybe a parent can use for an icebreaker at a function that involves kids. But then I read the, all rights reserved statement.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means-electronic, mechanical, digital, photocopy, recording, or any other-except for brief quotations in printed reviews, without the prior permission of the publisher.

So as I understand it as long as I write a book review I can use some brief quotations.

My review of “Awesome Good Clean Jokes For Kids” by Bob Phillips. You’ll laugh and laugh at the wit and humor. I own a copy .

Now to what I really wanted to say, sometimes humor is in the eyes of the beholder and something that I found funny in this book was the strait man lines.

Funny Man: Why did the bla-bla-bla do whatever?
Strait Man: I don’t know.
Funny Man: because bla-bla-bla had to whatever

Many writers would just use I don’t know over and over again but not, Bob Phillips, he give the strait man a new line for every joke in the chapter.

Here are the strait man lines in chapter 1.

I have no clue.
I have no idea.
I give up.
Who knows?
You’ve got me.
That’s a mystery.
I’m blank.
I don’t have the foggiest.
It’s unknown to me.
I’m in the dark.
Search me.
You’ve got me guessing.
I pass.
How should I know?
I don’t know. (Used two times in Chapter 1.)

If you find yourself always with a group of people that has a joke teller that requires a strait man line, make a list and keep them in your wallet. Then you can have a variety to choose from. In that way you can be more then just a person that says, “Dah, I don’t know.”

But if you are with a group of people with a well known bad joke teller in it I would yell, “wait a minute”, and make a big show of getting my wallet out and then read every one of the lines on my list none stop. This might get a laugh all by its self and stop the joke teller from telling more bad jokes. For an added flourish when he starts to answer the joke yell, “Wait a minute” and turn over the card and read another list of strait man lines.

Hopefully I have not broken any “All rights reserved” laws. But if I have I’m sorry and in way of penitence ask you all to please by this book or any other book by Bob Phillips.

Light Bulb Joke Book In Progress

Hi, I have been very quiet lately, blog wise that is, but maybe it’s a good thing. I have been trying to write, along with my daughter’s help, a book of politically correct “How many ________ does it take to screw in a light bulb” jokes.

We have not been the most fun people to be around because of it. At this point we have about 54 light bulb jokes. To get the 54 jokes we had to make up about 2000 unusable jokes that would make jokes you grown at sound good.

I think that to finish the book we will need 1000 jokes and a publisher that will not try to kill himself halfway threw reading it.

We have done so many jokes that we now just say, “how many _____?” rather then saying the whole line.

The best place to makeup jokes is at a fast food place, it helps keep people away from your table that are annoying. You just got to drink soda while your doing it to get the motor mouth going in you.

Little ZZ junior tries his hand at it too, but Mrs. ZZ just sits there as if nothing is being said. The only comment that she ever does make and on rare occasions at that is, “Oh, you guys.”

Well, that’s it for now. I feel another joke coming on and I’m sure you don’t want to hear it, a matter of fact even I don’t want to hear it.