If Farts Smelled Good

Wouldn’t the world be a better place if farts smelled oh I don’t know, like strawberries or citrus. If that happened everything would change. Mothers would want their son’s to eat some beans before they went on a date. Imagine walking into church and seeing a fat guy in one of the pews. You might actually want to sit next to that guy. If someone farted in public and people ask, “Whom?” they would proudly say, “Me.”

*** Writers Strike ***

Because of the writers strike I in solidarity stopped writing things for my blog. However once I started to think of all the parties and friendly responses I have gotten from the professional writing community…I am back to writing for my blog.

For That Special Feeling

Yes, another Valentines Day has come and gone. For many it was a time for that special feeling of love. If you say, “I’ve got that special feeling” in our house it means you have to go to the bathroom.

With this nice segue,

Watch for these tell tale signs that the world knows that you have to pee:
1. You find yourself behind nothing but slow old people on the highway.
2. The lights all turn red as soon as 'you' get to the line.
3. You find that even stopping at a stop sign is painful.
4. You have never seen so many dogs going on trees in all your life.
5. Your daughter is sitting next to you in the car and starts rambling on and on and on about her field trip to the Hoover Dam.
6. All public bathrooms have two signs, one denoting sex and another saying out of order.
7. Those Porto potties at job sites give off a heavenly glow.
8. You meet every possible friend you ever had in college (one of those how have you been I haven't seen you in years types).
9. You daughter suddenly finds the need to show you big jugs of apple juice.
10. People tell you that you're going plaid

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P.S. So ummm....gotta pee yet? (I'm saying this in the most hopeful tone possible) "Believe me, somehow the universe knows when you have to pee"