Political Candidates

Have you ever noticed that all the political candidates dress real nice, are good looking, and never have speech impediments? So daughter ZZ and I thought that it was time for another type of candidate to run, one that sounded like Home Star Runner. So go to homestarrunner.com to see what he sounds like and then read on…we will wait.

I am running for office so ask me your questions, people of the media.

What party will you be running with?

At first I was thinking about being a democrat, but their symbol is a donkey. What’s up with that did somebody else pick that for them? Can’t they pick their own animal like the majestic wombat or something? I guess it’s better then a little burro, but neither is known to be very house broken. Maybe if they shaved it, it would look more like a horse.

So then I thought about being a republican, but then they got that elephant problem. They’re not really known for their speed or sporty ness. I guess I could try to make some modifications to soup them up a little like paint flames on them or something – maybe shorten their front legs so they look more like a dragster. At least their sacred in India; their gods there, but I hear ants are even gods there – it’s a good thing I’m not running in India why just last week I killed a whole colony of gods with a can of Raid. So I decided to start my own political party and no it’s symbol will definitely not be the earthworm, but how cool would that be. But as you might of guessed it will be the mighty wombat – unless somebody else does pick your symbol – with my luck it would be some single celled organism. Like an ameba, maybe drawn with fangs…oh, and really cute fairy princess wand. With a tiara…but I digress.

Ah, ok, what is your platform?

I plan to ban that kind of car over there.

Why, is it unsafe, or hurt the environment?

I don’t know, but just look at it – it’s got ban me written all over it.

Do you have any political experience?

Does voting for who gets the last Twinkie count?

As challenging as that may sound in my years of covering political campaigns I’m afraid not.

Well, ok, but see if you ever get the last Twinkie if you come to my house.

What qualification do you feel make you suitable for the high office that you are running?

I had this serial box that had these squiggly lines that I had to follow to the pink house –or nation’s capital.

Don’t you mean white?

No I had a crayon.

One last question.

Yes?

What is your campaign slogan? (This ought to’ be good)

Oh that’s easy. Melts in your mouth not in your hands. So in closing I’d like to say on to victory …and Heady Lamar and a ham sandwich.