Mommy Kind Of Loves You

me write gooder

Often I actually want to write a story, but lack oh subject matter, main characters, and certain key things of interest.

Oh yes a timeframe would be lovely or maybe even a setting.

Sometimes I think the reader just wants too much from an author length is one thing 98 pages doesn't seem to satisfy most people.

Bob felt like his whole life was turned upside down, yes he moved to Australia. Connecticut seems like a faraway dream now especially since he woken up. He greeted the day but it did not greet him. We had the same breakfast as he had the day before since he put his finger down his throat. As he studied the morning paper he realized it was the same old story week after week, “I should really buy a new paper”. Bob quickly threw on his close and missed. No one at his job seemed to notice his lack of cloths especially since he was a ghost.  Yes he was late for work and the late Bob, the ghostwriter…bum bum bum.

 

 The end?

 

Well Written Books

There are some eloquent writers who can lavish the pages with words.

A 1000 page book is mere child's play to them.

To these grand authors detail is everything. A wall behind the main character in the opening of their book has shimmering light that dances upon it from the midday sun built by a man who lost his visa and needed money to get home yes even the wall has a back story. Back-story is more important than plot.

With enough back-story you can have a 2000 to 5000 page book with ease.
Some book reviewers wouldn't even think of reviewing a book under 2000 pages.

Oh yes and sad is good!
Bob had a great visit with his Uncle Fred even though he lost his leg and a bit of his sanity.

Conscience

The story of Pinocchio has always bothered me because his conscience is a grasshopper. Example “Pinocchio you really shouldn't do that”, one swift movement of the foot and crunch, “Now where was I, oh yes, burning down my neighbors house".

 

Pinocchio’s conscience should've been a T Rex, “Pinocchio, you really shouldn't do that or I will eat you.”; “Oh okay, thank you for the valuable insight.”

 

**Zippy**

Raven

Cutting edge art sometimes takes a hammer...and belts lots of belts.

Bird Church

Mr. ZZ 2013

Failure

Failure builds character.  It also increases debris on the bottom of the sea.

Dressing up bad art

1. Make bad art

2. Make bad art smaller

3. Add effects to background

4. Shade your bad art

And now you have bad art that you wasted time on.

Hypothesis

G#

Temptation

The Most Interesting Girl In The World

 

I read a comment about this post and decided to keep away from doing humor about ads. Not everyone gets to see the same ads thus making the joke obscure.

Lifes Little Dilemmas

 

 

Castle

 

I found that I made a color drawing for, “A Slow Day At The Castle” and forgot about it. 

I have been holding back on a lot of blog entries because I haven’t colored them. 

I think I will skip coloring them and post more.

But first I must give myself the blogger low posting bird poo award of  un-excellence.

 

Using Scrabble Words in a Sentence

Quay [key]

A landing place, especially one of solid masonry, constructed along the edge of a body of water; wharf.

Xyst [zist]

1. In ancient Greek and Roman architecture, a covered portico, as a promenade.

2. In an ancient Roman villa, a garden walk planted with trees.

Zebu [zee-byoo]

One type of domesticated cattle, in India, having a large hump over the shoulders and a large dewlap.

Oii

An Australian hailing related to ahoy.

Zamia

Tropical plant of subtropical America

 My boat was bedecked with zamias as it pulled up to a quay where I was meet by a zebu that came down a zyst to greet me with a, “oii!”

Elephant Jokes

The trouble with writing jokes is they tend to haunt you. At one point I decided to write 100 elephant jokes. It didn't take me long to realize I couldn't even write five there were just plain driving me crazy. However, I still sit in my car and have an endless loop of How would you know that an elephant had played your piano?

I had many answers to this question, the piano would be in the basement, it would freak him out to tickle the ivory, and ask him, elephants are basically honest.

Even Lewis Carroll wrote an endless loop joke, how is a raven like a writing desk? However many people have actually answered this, the one I like the best is Edgar Allen Poe wrote on both.

As Daughter ZZ would say,” If life gives you lemons find someone with a paper cut”

It's not that our family is an uncompassionate lot. It's just that we think of sarcasm as more than an art form, but a way of life.

 

A slow day at the Castle

Hail and welcome to Castle some impressive name. I am Chuck and I will be your guide today. If you would please watch your step especially ye maidens...

I always feel sorry for tour guides for their spiels must run in their head like endless loops.

The little Duke’s room is to the left; the little Duchess's room is to the right; if you have to Earl please use the toilet.

 

Do not tread lightly into the darkness of this man's soul.

 

Daughters ZZ is hopelessly addicted to the game assassin Creed.

My son started playing the game as my daughter watched with eyes dilated in a statement of oooowwww.

My son played for a long time. But that didn't seem to bother my daughter’s gimme gimme gimme feeling. Daughters ZZ isn't the best gamer in the world, but that didn't stop her from playing endlessly.

I Mr. ZZ am a compassionate lot and have foregone posting to my beloved blog for quite a bit of the summer for we only have one computer hooked to the net.

Now my daughter is on to assassin Creed two. This one takes place in Italy but nobody talks like Mario. Mama Mia Lessah kill somebody!

Steve the monkey

And Fish Phish And Mr. Woofers.

Dave Drake Holistic Detective

It was a dark and stormy night but that was okay, as I was in a dark mood to begin with. Not everyone can be a debonair and suave detective. Hey sometimes after my client’s enemies are through beating me I don't look very suave and debonair myself.

 
That's when my holistic skills come in very handy. It might not be able to win every case, but if you can heal yourself that's half the battle.

It was an average Tuesday the kind of Tuesday that makes you want to have another Tuesday some other day but this wasn't a Tuesday that was going to go away really easy, that's why I answered the phone even though it wasn't ringing. Hey holistic skills come in handier than just healing yourself.

I said, “hi Bobby boy how's it going.”

“Holy baloney Dave I wish you'd stop doing that it really creeps me out.”

Bob Day was a detective on the force I've been picking up scraps of work from him for years.

“Dave we've got a messy one this time I really need your experience.”

“No can do Bob I've got a full plate today you know it's Tuesday.”

Bob gave a mirthless chuckle he knew about my Tuesday attitude for years, “You’ll just have to put your thoughts on the back burner right now, this one's a little bit messy, three of them and facedown.”

“Crying out loud Bob can you tell them to play nice?”

“You know I can't do that, but I can tell you where it went down, meet me there?”

“Sure Bobby boy be right there.”

“I haven't told you where it is yet, oh wait a minute I keep forgetting...Holistic.”

“Holistic, that's right, meet you down at the docs.

“Ah you’re slipping this time it's not at the docs.”

“Sure it is you’re talking about a doctor’s office.”

“Bingo I thought I got you that time.”

 

20 minutes past as if it was 20 minutes, but there I was standing in the things that most men would puke at.

Bob said, “Should've worn your galoshes there Davey boy.

You’d think that they would use something less primitive then a box cutter, I mean it's a doctor's office a little chloroform goes a long way and it wouldn't take much of any type of drug to make death take hold real good.”

“The Grim Reaper isn't very fussy there Bob. A little slash here a little slash there goes a long way.”

Bob said, “One nurse one assistant and of course the doctor himself lay in there, like fish.”

“So when do I get my money for wrapping this case up?”

“Ain't you jumping the gun a little early about pay?”

“Tell you what, I'm in a pretty good mood, I'll settle for dinner, but no cheap stuff.”

Bob smiled at my good deal when he heard it, “Okay big boy, so how do you know who did it?”

“Check the answering machine message 27.”

 Bob fumbled with the telephone hitting buttons like a monkey, but even a monkey gets lucky once in a blue moon. The speakerphone crackled to life, there as plain as day was Ed Grimly saying and I quote, “You botched my nose job so bad you might as well taken a box cutter to My face.”

Long story short my meal had a nice prize in it.

 

Ed grimly got the death penalty…well he got life…well he got rehabilitation…well he got a good talking to… well he got a really big fine…well the taxpayers paid it for him… Well the taxpayers got sued for 8 million each for not paying the fine quick enough.

THE END

Let us prey on those that pray about us

We had a sermon on envy today, so being a good Christian I moved to the front pew. That way all those that had envy, could see well what they had envy in.

During our pastor's sermon he said push away all those things that distract you from the word of God. I felt guilty pushing that old lady out of the pew but hey it was for the word of God.

My wife was sick so she did not go to church today, but I think she'll hear from other parishioners about the sermon and me for months to come.

The Grackle

I saw a common grackle today. Apparently they are abundant in residential areas.

Grackles are handsome, kind of like me, but I digress.

Its voice is a high ascending screech that seems to match me yet again.

Habitat: open wetlands, parks, gardens, and lawns, it differs from me now I'm usually around the refrigerator.

Range: breeds east of Rockies, let’s not go there…

The thought processes of Mr. ZZ a.k.a. Lord ZZ

I once was a deep thinker but I gave it up for Lent. Now I only think when talked to. Sometimes I settle just for a vacant stare with a little bit of dribble on my chin.

A Blither For My Blog.

Sadly new technology has made it much easier for me to write things for my blog. I am now the proud owner of Dragon natural speech software. I'm no longer limited by my bad spelling or my lack of interesting things to say because it's just too hard to type.

Now my verbiage will increase in leaps and bounds. However what I have to say will be rather aimless and pointless. Now when my daughter enters my realm (otherwise known as the living room) you'll read, “Can you change the channel on the TV” for I’ll be too lazy to edit it out of what I'm writing.

The Fourth Crash Of My Computer

My computer has died yet again and gone off to that lovely land of Texas to visit the technical support department that loves to re-issue re-boot re-everything. I often wish that the technicians would send me a postcard with the computer when it comes back, but this has yet to happen.

So with hesitant hands that linger over the keyboard desperately trying to think if they should really touch this thing or not? I finally end my vacillation and let my hands drop gingerly touching the keys expecting maybe sparks or some kind of new unpleasant thing.

 This is my computer's last trip to that magical land of Texas. For the warrantee is in a flawlessly dead state after one year. Thankfully knowing that the next time it dies it will be a death worthy of its status in my life. It will probably be given to a dung heap for its approval…only to be rejected. I mean even dung heaps have their standards.

An eatable tuber made to look more evolved.

Mr. Potato Head…On Mars

Ct. removes its death penalty.

More Copyright Problems

I found this picture in the trash. 

I didn’t draw it.

I don’t know who did.

This might even violate child labor laws?

Shameless Self Promotion

Famous Fails #37

Germs

They like me and I make them a good meal.
I like to introduce them to my friends and family. 
When you get them yourself, just tell them I said Hi.

Copyright problems

My Daughter ZZ started a picture

of a stuffed toy Bill the cat holding a toy microphone.

She didn’t like it so I finished it. 

This is not my drawing, it is not my cartoon character, and the toy microphone is probably copy protected as well.

But it is actually a still life of someone else’s art. 

Says Ah Me St.

Ah... Ok?

Have a merry squeakmas

Mr. Z.Z. “The Tolerated”

It is now the New Year and my computer has come back from its third repair trip to Texas (under warranty).  It still doesn’t like the touch of flesh on its keyboard, but …  well it is in my house and I wait for it to pine for Texas once again.

King

Alien And Dog

How does Mr. ZZ cartoon?

Artist Pen

Art Markers

Art Markers And Colored Pencil

Computer

My Computer Hates

My Computer hates flesh to touch it.

New Computer under a year old

Freezes can't reload Windows 7

Sent to Texas to have worked on

Comes home works two weeks

Back to Texas to have fixed

Comes home DVD Drive dead

?

Screwy Rabbit

Song to Tinny Dancer (with a poor Elmer Fudd voice)

 Little rabbit   Screwy rabbit

I’m hunting you down a hole

I just blast down   A hole in the ground

Soon you’ll be saying what’s up doc

Leaning on my shoulder   As my gun does smolders

I’m a rabbit hunting man

But soon I see   You’re a bunny

So I aim my gun at you

But you stick your thumb   In the end of my gun
Now my face is powder burned

O but now what do I see   Standing right in front of me
A sexy   sexy   lady

She bats her eyes   and at me smiles
I know it’s you but I play dumb

But this is nice   So throw the rice

I guess bestialities for me

O but now what do I see   Standing right in front of me
A sexy   sexy   lady

Daugher ZZ 4

Im in love with you but...

A song on guitar by Mr.ZZ

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J2fN6g7vNbw

Mr. ZZ & Daughter ZZ 2011 3

Mr. ZZ & Daughter ZZ 2011 2

Mr. ZZ & Daughter ZZ 2011 1

The Bad Sermon

Creep

Envy

Not everything I do is great.

That's why I envy pros.

But pros are bad at something else.

Therefore we're all perfectly bad at something.