Anime Drawing Fun

Baseball?

What is the point of baseball, what’s so exciting about it? A man with a stick hits a ball somebody threw at him. Yea? I tried to watch one time and I just couldn’t get past all the spitting. The pitcher looks at the batter, spit, spit. The batter stares back spit, spit. The camera pans the dugout a cacophony of spitting. Those guys could easily double as lawn sprinklers.

Then the announcer decides to hit you with some statistics, “ Big J the old number nine is got a A.B.K of 42 and a B.R.W. of 78 an over 32 for the total half season and that on Astro turf. He plays the violin.” Oh great, now that I know this, my life’s complete!

No wonder baseball and beer go hand and hand. The mind numbing action of somebody waiting to throw a ball and somebody waiting for a good pitch to swing at can make minutes seem like days.

The chances are slim but some poor outfielder could train all his life to be the very best in his position. And never ever have anyone hit the ball his way his whole professional career. You think your bored watching the game, he has to listen to drunk fans blather on about baseball stuff, “Yah, babe we’re number one, you guys is bums!” Waving a foam finger, while wearing their hat backwards (Yes grown men that are somehow hat challenged). He doesn’t worry though; they’ll all be passed out by the fourth inning.

And the names of things are so romantic like, the dugout a bunch of guys sitting in a hole. What other times do men sit in a hole? Oh yeah, war!

**********

The Challenge
One boy
One cab
One house And one bathroom!

Ambulance Training

Training Movie For Ambulance Drivers

(Have someone hum some cheesy music wall you read)
So you want to be an ambulance driver…well remember never take a right turn at ninety miles an hour, you’ll flip your ambulance like dumb Bob just did. And don’t take a hard right at ninety you’ll definitely flip over and wreck a half million dollars worth of equipment… which is usually frowned on by department heads.

Remember you want to get there before the cannibals or you won't have anything left to help (movie made to be multi-cultural).
“Ah come on just one bite he’ll never miss it.”“No! If I give you a bite then that guy will want a bite and that guy and that guy, and before you know it all I got is a talking head.”

Luggage

How sad that Luggage was strewn and kid's luggage at that.
An AOL Headline

Dashtic Stickers

Dashtic Enterprises has been snowed under for “Stick It To The Man” bumper stickers!
They have asked us to make it available at our blog. Well, here you go.

P.S. Dashtic Enterprises has informed us that the symbol that looks like a ® is in fact a P being held up by a stick inside a plastic bubble to keep the germs out.

Yea!!!! Your a first time reader of this blog!!!!

Now for the initiation "I'll go get the ballerina dress and the unicycle!"

My Snow Shoves

Many people don’t know it, (especially people from warmer climates) but snow shoveling is a lot like golf. In golf you have sand wedges for sand traps and putters for the green. Well, in snow shoveling you have plastic shovels for wooden decks, metal edged for the driveway, snow rams for pushing the snow, and ice chippers for as you might have guessed ice.

Easter Candy

We got the kids that infest our house marshmallow eggs and eatable grass to put them on. I tried eating the grass. Its taste just lingered in your mouth and that was not a good thing (later my daughter said that it was like the stuff you put at the bottom of a rodents cage). I noticed later that week the kids weren’t eating the marshmallow eggs, they said they looked a little bit too factory made. I tried one. When I opened the rapper I could smell the factory in China’s air. And when I took a bite and felt the crust give way filling my head with the knowledge that it wasn’t made this year. I spit it out. So as usual if you can’t eat it nuke it in the microwave. Even after its little spin I still didn’t touch it.

Flaming skull

Flaming skull is a band that is really neat-o.
Flaming skull is the band all us teens like.
Our parents don’t like them that’s why they’re so neat-o.
And when I get my first tattoo it will look just like the lead singers tool.

When they’re on stage nine cows implode.
But don’t be afraid the cows never sue.
And when they run around bare,
Eating things they find in their hair,
With pyrotechnics and elves with road flares,
(They’re the most.)

Flaming skull is ah band with four drummers named Eddie.
Flaming skull is ah band that plays baseball bats to.
And their CD torpedo has a hit song that's so neat-o.
I played it so loud with base drive that all of my Sea-monkeys died.

I sent the band money to buy the bands stool.
No its not a seat what you think I ain’t cool.

You say that they’ll lead us to ruin.
And I hear that Satan is thinkin’ of movin’.
Even he thinks that Hell will be ruined.
(When they get there.)

The Crash of 2008

I had a computer crash. After some weeks of fixing (and 3:00 A.M. nights) I am up and running.

This is what it looked like to me (well sort of).

Fatal error 2793-whatever. Translation: Virus snacking on hard drive.

Accessing fix commands Matrix as system help commands.

Find non-existing tool bar and sub menu.

Find plump chicken and sacrifice it. Sprinkle its blood on motherboard while swearing on a stack of bibles never to vote republican ever again.

By a cat then sell it.

If that doesn’t work do the same with a dog.

Option: cut of your left little toe only if you want the prestige fix.

Finally you may never eat another Hershey’s bar as long as you live…believe me we'll know!

Or if you have kids to sell you can call Technical support and find out what we find passable for English.


This is what it looked like to Daughter ZZ

When jumping through other peoples hoop’s doesn’t give you that I’ve conquered yet another computer glitch feeling anymore, make up your own.

Error! Computer doesn’t, “feel” like opening the program desired.
But, if you really want it that badly go into intelx part 3 in My Computer to reload all settings.

Error! Unable to locate intelx part 3.

Go into custom menus and select base hard drive.
Press Ok and please wait…

Hear a grinding sound yet?
That was your hard drive.

Popup
Additional options?
Cardinal operating system unable to find anything wrong with your computer.
To make something wrong may we suggest a liberal shower of Mountain Dew.

Congratulations, you have just turned your computer into a really big paperweight.

For further assistance please contact our help desk via 1-800-I GIVE UP.
We will have one of our many German associates get back to you.
Be prepared for a 6-hour musical hold of the Ghost Busters Theme Song.

If for some reason your computer continues to work for 5-hours, contact Dashtic enterprises for a complementary “Stick It To The Man” bumper sticker.


One of the real errors we got was very close to this below (I should have done a screen capture of it).

Library c++
Processing error:
Program terminated file in an unusual way please contact the support team for more information.

How on earth can a computer possibly experience unusual termination of a file, I mean isn’t it just “on” or “off” anyway? How can I explain this to you…oh, I know everything goes back to the toilet. If you were taking a dump at a 1 ten hundredth of a second and right in the middle of that you thought something was peculiar. Lets just put it this way the chances of this happening are 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000… (feel free to get up and grab a snack) to 1

Did you hear that? Our computer wanted us to contact this mysterious support team which apparently has all the answers. I can just picture it now “H…hello, support team? I just got an….um…error message, saying that I should contact you right away! H…hope I didn’t interrupt anything important” And how would you find this “support team” anyway? Yell real loud? Oh…wait…I know their poised in the box your computer came with ready to pounce at any hint of computer problems.

Error messages might as well just say this:
We have absolutely no idea what’s wrong…and we really don’t care!

Do computers reincarnate or do they just go straight to hell? And if they did reincarnate what in the world do they come back as?

Code Lyoko in French & English TOGETHER!

Daughter ZZ made a reeeeeaaally cool video! Mixing the French and English Code Lyoko theme together...Really ^__^

The Meteor

As I did walk yesterday along,
A meteor did fell.
To land upon my little toe,
With a mighty glow as well.

It burned right through my boot,
As my toe became a jell.
Which caused me great distraction,
And discomfort I might add as well.

But soon the pain will pass,
And seem a forgettable thing.
And I won’t tell a soul,
But I don’t think there’ll be a spring

If Farts Smelled Good

Wouldn’t the world be a better place if farts smelled oh I don’t know, like strawberries or citrus. If that happened everything would change. Mothers would want their son’s to eat some beans before they went on a date. Imagine walking into church and seeing a fat guy in one of the pews. You might actually want to sit next to that guy. If someone farted in public and people ask, “Whom?” they would proudly say, “Me.”

*** Writers Strike ***

Because of the writers strike I in solidarity stopped writing things for my blog. However once I started to think of all the parties and friendly responses I have gotten from the professional writing community…I am back to writing for my blog.

For That Special Feeling

Yes, another Valentines Day has come and gone. For many it was a time for that special feeling of love. If you say, “I’ve got that special feeling” in our house it means you have to go to the bathroom.

With this nice segue,

Watch for these tell tale signs that the world knows that you have to pee:
1. You find yourself behind nothing but slow old people on the highway.
2. The lights all turn red as soon as 'you' get to the line.
3. You find that even stopping at a stop sign is painful.
4. You have never seen so many dogs going on trees in all your life.
5. Your daughter is sitting next to you in the car and starts rambling on and on and on about her field trip to the Hoover Dam.
6. All public bathrooms have two signs, one denoting sex and another saying out of order.
7. Those Porto potties at job sites give off a heavenly glow.
8. You meet every possible friend you ever had in college (one of those how have you been I haven't seen you in years types).
9. You daughter suddenly finds the need to show you big jugs of apple juice.
10. People tell you that you're going plaid

******
P.S. So ummm....gotta pee yet? (I'm saying this in the most hopeful tone possible) "Believe me, somehow the universe knows when you have to pee"

CD Case Insert / Jewel Case Inserts

Use in MSPaint to make your CD case label then copy and past in Word.
Be for you paste in Word goto page seatup, and set your Margins as big as you can.
If you don't it will print too small for CD case.
The two images are .Bmp so they won't be fuzzy.

Goob 2

Goob

Political Candidates

Have you ever noticed that all the political candidates dress real nice, are good looking, and never have speech impediments? So daughter ZZ and I thought that it was time for another type of candidate to run, one that sounded like Home Star Runner. So go to homestarrunner.com to see what he sounds like and then read on…we will wait.

I am running for office so ask me your questions, people of the media.

What party will you be running with?

At first I was thinking about being a democrat, but their symbol is a donkey. What’s up with that did somebody else pick that for them? Can’t they pick their own animal like the majestic wombat or something? I guess it’s better then a little burro, but neither is known to be very house broken. Maybe if they shaved it, it would look more like a horse.

So then I thought about being a republican, but then they got that elephant problem. They’re not really known for their speed or sporty ness. I guess I could try to make some modifications to soup them up a little like paint flames on them or something – maybe shorten their front legs so they look more like a dragster. At least their sacred in India; their gods there, but I hear ants are even gods there – it’s a good thing I’m not running in India why just last week I killed a whole colony of gods with a can of Raid. So I decided to start my own political party and no it’s symbol will definitely not be the earthworm, but how cool would that be. But as you might of guessed it will be the mighty wombat – unless somebody else does pick your symbol – with my luck it would be some single celled organism. Like an ameba, maybe drawn with fangs…oh, and really cute fairy princess wand. With a tiara…but I digress.

Ah, ok, what is your platform?

I plan to ban that kind of car over there.

Why, is it unsafe, or hurt the environment?

I don’t know, but just look at it – it’s got ban me written all over it.

Do you have any political experience?

Does voting for who gets the last Twinkie count?

As challenging as that may sound in my years of covering political campaigns I’m afraid not.

Well, ok, but see if you ever get the last Twinkie if you come to my house.

What qualification do you feel make you suitable for the high office that you are running?

I had this serial box that had these squiggly lines that I had to follow to the pink house –or nation’s capital.

Don’t you mean white?

No I had a crayon.

One last question.

Yes?

What is your campaign slogan? (This ought to’ be good)

Oh that’s easy. Melts in your mouth not in your hands. So in closing I’d like to say on to victory …and Heady Lamar and a ham sandwich.

Do Monkeys Tell Jokes?

I have been writing monkey jokes, (mostly about how they throw poo) and started to wonder, ‘Do monkeys tell jokes about us?” So Daughter ZZ and I decided to write about a monkey telling another monkey a joke at the zoo.

This opposable thumb comes up to me waving his arms and showing me a banana. As he sets it down he says to me – hay, who knows what their saying. Anyway he stops blathering and I start to reach for the banana, and he starts hollering. So I give him the old reach and fling and you know what he does? He shakes his finger at me – I didn’t even have to duck. Humans you got to love them.

Ok my hobbies took more then a month,

but here are some of my pictures. The guys down at Games Workshop were skeptical about my Space Marines, but I told them their new battle armer had alien scum quaking in their boots.

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The Non-excellence Award

This is my blog blemish award for not posting regularly. I modeled it on good old bird poo, but not just any bird poo more like a Moby sparrow.

Hobbies

I've been doing some of my hobbies this month and will post some shots soon.

I Know Now I Play Guitar For Fun

I wanted to buy a new acoustic guitar and went to one of those big guitar store chains. I went threw the crowd of electric screaming guitar solo players and made it to the back where they have a little room for the acoustic guitars and waded threw that crowd as well.

As I was looking around, in came some teenager that played so well that people stopped and watched. During his drum solo of banging on the front and side of the guitar my wife that was with me said, “There’s just too much male testosterone in here for me” and we left.

I didn’t buy anything that day and have suddenly found that I’m happy with what I own.

Nag

I can nag you in five different languages…at once. Rage frage mage dage…oy!

Fun words

Schmutz = Unknown dirt (so you couldn’t have a game show called Name that Schmitz?)[Schmutz is spelled right]

Tirl = To pluck a string

Pignaration = payment for the damage of farm land

Muggle = a man with a tail (and not someone who wants your money and a hug.)

Sale!!!!!

Yes we're trying to build up readers.
And what better way then to have a sale.
Everything on this blog up to one half!
So it’s easy to save.
It’s made easy, dependable, and in your way.
Read more and save more.
Look at less and still save.

To Be In Header

I showed Daughter ZZ my new logo and asked how she liked it. She said it looked satanic. I said something about it only being her opinion. She said, "Why don't you change the name of the Blog to "What's it like at night when the demons visit you."

I will use it for a while out of spite and then change it.

P.S. I did try to change it after a while and found I just can't do it with out a image failure so Im stuck with it.

Potty

Merry Christmas

We got our tree up a little late this year, but it was well worth the wait.

Outsourcing

I would like sports teams to be outsourced to India. It would make for lower ticket prices. The players when their not playing could sell food in the bleachers rather then just sit on some bench.

But why stop there. We could outsource the government as well and send it to India. We would be able to turn all the government buildings into condominiums.

Any business that outsourced would by law have all their management sent to India to live in their factories, so they can make sure that the business is run right.

Let’s outsource the military as well. It will be cheaper and if someone is missing in action most likely no one in the U.S. will know them.

Guru

I went to a Guru to find knowledge and he said many a wondrous thing that I quickly forgot, but what I did take away was this.

“It’s awful hard to sleep in the same bed with someone who’s making bed angels.”

I did try to dazzle him with a sagely statement so that he would find me a true seeker rather then a trifler in the land of knowledge. I quoted a greeting card that I had found at a Seven Eleven. I said, “Learning to access my true self and my oneness with all things allows me to love.” I then looked down at the ground for a small amount of time for dramatic effect and slowly looked up. When our eyes finally meet he said, “So what touchy feely universe are you from?”

Game Machines

I went to the store and saw that Nintendo came out with a new system called the Wii.

I ran to the video game rack to see if they still had games for my old Nintendo. Oh no, not a single game was for sale there.

Oh great now my game machine is out of date.

All The Worlds A Stage

My kids and I were watching a web cam of people getting on and going down an escalator in Los Vegas.

I pointed to one guy on the escalator and mentioned how nice it was of that guy to save up all that money to fly to Vegas and get on that escalator just in time for us to be entertained by him.

Daughter Z said, “Yes and scratching his butt was a nice flourish.” Little ZZ junior and I laughed.

Yes thanks to web cams the world is truly all a stage.

At The Craft Fair

Do these pants make me look

I don’t know, move your belly out of the way so I can see them.

:v(

Sadly, more people cried at his face then at his funeral.

Mug Shot

*** X-mass ***

Just a friendly little reminder that Christmas is just around the corner. I was trying to get my product out before holloween and Christmas so I could sell for both events but, I just couldn't get my kids to make 75,ooo of them on time.

Definition of Uncensored

No Big Black Bar

How Does My Hair look?

What you say:
My goodness, that hairdo makes you look like a movie star.

What you want to say:
That kind of haircut works for only a selected few people and you're not one of them.

Do these pants make me look fat?

What you say:
“No, how could any thing make you look fat?”
“No way you fox you- hubba hubba!”

What you want to say:
“No, you're perfectly capable of looking fat on your own.”
“As compared to what a hippo in spandex?”

The Four Levels Of Wrong

1. I think you’re mistaken.
2. That can’t be right.
3. You’re wrong.
4. You’re wrong from the feet up.

Pinky and the Brain - Hebrew version

Pinky and the Brain - Hebrew version Theme song

It’s sounds like a bar mitzvah that’s gone horribly wrong.

If Lemmings Built Homes