A Short Story In Wingdings

 

Old Joke

 

Hay,

  Someone of the above generally excepted standards of normalcy in the looks department.

  Look at this rendering of a person

 and don’t think of how long it's been since my last post.

The Monkey and The Plumber

            A monkey in an organ grinders monkey suit enters a clearing and angrily throws his bellboy-type hat on the ground.

           A Tarzan-like character steps out of the jungle and stands tall with his hands akimbo in front of the monkey.

           He immediately dies with x's on his eyes, which alarms the monkey.

           At this point, a new monkey steps out of the jungle and looms at the other monkey.

           The new monkey points at his eye as he madly looms at the first monkey.

 The new monkey starts to moonwalk.

 At this point, the bellboy-type hat starts to bubble on the ground.

           The hat rose from the ground with a zombie monkey coming up with it.

                 Once risen it starts to laugh maniacally.

           The new monkey at this point runs away.

           The ground opens up under the zombie monkey and swallows him up leaving the hat on the ground where it was, to begin with. 

           A plumber runs into the clearing dripping wet. 

 He kisses the monkey long and hard.

 With a rustling of leaves, an elephant enters the clearing, which gets the plumber and the monkey’s attention.

 The elephant just stands there very still, with his eyes walleyed.

 Professional Roofers run in and shingle the elephant's back and for aesthetic reasons, they put a steeple on his head.

 The elephant just stands there very still, with his eyes walleyed, but now with a little smile.

 The monkey now on his knees bows to the elephant with his arms stretched forward.

 A flood of water hits the clearing and washes the elephant away.

 Out of a part in the floodwaters, Moses walks toward the monkey.

 As he stands in the parted water Moses waggles his finger with a no-no directed towards the monkey. The plumber vigorously wags his head to agree with Moses as he looks at the monkey.

 The monkey defiantly stands holding a banana and a slide rule aloft.

 The plumber mocks the monkey by holding a plunger aloft. Moses and the plumber have a good laugh.

 Moses walks away from the parted water and past the monkey and the plumber.

 A new monkey arrives in the center of the parted waters. He has a headdress like an Egyptian pharaoh would wear and he defiantly stands holding a banana and a slide rule aloft.  The parted flood waters crash together and reseed, taking the new monkey away never to be seen again.

 The monkey lets go of the slide rule and defeatedly sits and eats the banana.

But the slide rule floats in the air just where the monkey let go of it.

 The plumber marvels at the floating slide rule and timidly touches the floating slide rule with one finger and turns into a monkey.

 The plumber then holds a banana and a slide rule aloft. He quickly sits down and eats his banana as his slide rule floats in the air where he let go of it.

 The plumber then timidly touches his slide rule that is floating in the air and turns from a monkey back into a plumber.

 The plumber then walks over to the monkey's floating slide rule and timidly brings one finger towards it, but quickly pulls his finger away deciding not to touch it.

 The monkey now full of himself stands and holds yet another banana and slide rule aloft.

 The monkey proudly sits down eating his new banana and leaves yet another slide rule floating in the air. 

 Moses comes back and turns the slide rules into snakes and his staff turns into a snake and eats the other snakes and then turns back into his staff.

 Moses snaps his fingers in the direction of the monkey and walks away.

 As soon as Moses is gone the monkey puts on a Freemason's apron.

 Moses puts his head back into the scene looking at the monkey and the monkey plays it safe and removes the apron.

 When Moses leaves, the monkey and the plumber sigh with relief.

 They sit quietly enjoying a little rest bit.

 It starts to rain and they frown, but it stops very quickly to the plumber and the monkeys relieve.

 Then snow starts to fall.

  The plumber shows the monkey how to make snow angels by lying down and moving his arms and legs.

 The monkey lies down in the snow and makes the infinity symbol with his body and solves pi with his tail.

The plumber corrects the monkey’s pi the 1012th digit but does not talk about how some infinities are bigger than others.

 They both suddenly realize it can't snow in the jungle, so the snow instantly vanishes.

 

Chapter 2

 

Joe Schmo enters the clearing and sits down between the Monkey and the Plumber, and says, “Sup.”  He soon belches and says, “Yo! My bad.”

 After a while, Joe Schmo reaches into his pocket and says, “It’s legal in CT.”     The Monkey and the Plumber shack their heads no with gusto.  Joe Schmo says, “Yo! My bad.” And takes his hand out of his pocket. 

 The Monkey and the Plumber continue to gaze at Joe Schmo as it becomes dark and the next day comes.

 Joe Schmo reaches into his pocket and takes out a slide rule.  He then starts to scratch his back with it, to the Monkeys consternation. 

 Joe Schmo then takes a banana out of his pocket and slowly peals it.  He says to the Plumber with a smile, "I hear you, plumbers, really like bananas", and offers it to him.

 The Plumber smiles and takes the banana.  While looking at the Monkey he slowly eats it with lots of Mmmmmm sound and mouth sakes which makes the Monkey mad.

 Joe Schmo says, “Yo! My bad.” and takes a monkeys organ grinders hat and puts it on the Monkeys head with a pat.  "There you go, little guy." 

 It’s best to leave the story at this point for screaming monkeys throwing poo can get a little over dramatic.

wargame miniatures

 Still helping my friend paint his wargame miniatures, but here are some jokes. 

 ********

Farting is like watching a fireworks display

except not quite as pretty

and instead of an, Ooooooh…Aaaaah!,

it’s more of a Eeeeew!

 ********

Lots of people use their brains everyday…to prop doors open.

testing one two test test

 Hi, blog,

I've told a friend I'd help him paint his wargame miniatures and then found out he has about a hundred to paint so, I have been painting miniatures for quite a while now.  But I have been having fun helping and learning shortcuts to paint faster.  I thought I would tell my fan base to put them at ease that I still plan to blog.

When does their art become your art?

 

This is clearly someone else’s art.

But now is this my art? 

Arrrrrrrrr!