Mr. ZZ's Ukulele songs and humor

Says Ah Me St.

2012-01-11T21:04:00.000-08:00

Ah... Ok?

2012-01-11T21:01:00.000-08:00

Have a merry squeakmas

2012-01-11T20:58:00.000-08:00

Mr. Z.Z. “The Tolerated”

2012-01-11T20:48:00.000-08:00

It is now the New Year and my computer has come back from its third repair trip to Texas (under warranty). It still doesn’t like the touch of flesh on its keyboard, but … well it is in my house and I wait for it to pine for Texas once again.

King

2011-12-09T20:28:00.001-08:00

Alien And Dog

2011-12-09T18:15:00.001-08:00

How does Mr. ZZ cartoon?

Artist Pen

Art Markers

Art Markers And Colored Pencil

Computer

My Computer Hates

2011-12-09T18:06:00.001-08:00

My Computer hates flesh to touch it.

New Computer under a year old

Freezes can't reload Windows 7

Sent to Texas to have worked on

Comes home works two weeks

Back to Texas to have fixed

Comes home DVD Drive dead

Screwy Rabbit

2011-10-28T21:53:00.000-07:00

Song to Tinny Dancer (with a poor Elmer Fudd voice)

Little rabbit Screwy rabbit

I’m hunting you down a hole

I just blast down A hole in the ground

Soon you’ll be saying what’s up doc

Leaning on my shoulder As my gun does smolders

I’m a rabbit hunting man

But soon I see You’re a bunny

So I aim my gun at you

But you stick your thumb   In the end of my gun
Now my face is powder burned

O but now what do I see   Standing right in front of me
A sexy   sexy   lady

She bats her eyes and at me smiles
I know it’s you but I play dumb

But this is nice So throw the rice

I guess bestialities for me

O but now what do I see Standing right in front of me
A sexy sexy lady

Daugher ZZ 4

2011-10-27T20:12:00.000-07:00

Im in love with you but...

2011-10-25T19:32:00.000-07:00

A song on guitar by Mr.ZZ

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J2fN6g7vNbw

Mr. ZZ & Daughter ZZ 2011 3

2011-09-24T13:31:00.001-07:00

Mr. ZZ & Daughter ZZ 2011 2

2011-09-24T13:30:00.001-07:00

Mr. ZZ & Daughter ZZ 2011 1

2011-09-24T13:26:00.003-07:00

The Bad Sermon

2011-08-26T06:11:00.000-07:00

Creep

2011-08-14T14:59:00.000-07:00

Envy

2011-08-12T19:02:00.000-07:00

Not everything I do is great.

That's why I envy pros.

But pros are bad at something else.

Therefore we're all perfectly bad at something.

What I think when I walk by

2011-07-07T15:58:00.000-07:00

When a girl wants to shake a guys hand...

2011-07-07T08:08:00.000-07:00

What is she selling?

Hi R.J.:

2011-07-05T20:01:00.001-07:00

Daughter ZZ here. You sent Father ZZ a bottle neck slide as a gift and he uses it on his ukulele all the time.
I've...been...ripping...out...my...hair!
Thanks heaps!

Dashtic Picks the Winner

2011-07-04T07:22:00.000-07:00

Thank you for your entry. You didn't win. Here is the one that lost.

We showed it to management and they want to sue you.

To the person that made the entry we say, "Don't worry, we told them we'd get right on it..."

Doctors

2011-06-24T11:34:00.000-07:00

Doctors have the ability to make you feel guilty about everything."What you drink tap water? Ya might as well put a loaded gun in your mouth!"

Doctors gravitate towards the most embarrassing parts of you, with cold hands.

Doctors will ask you what insurance you have, but don't like it if you ask what insurance they have.

Doctors love you to fill out forms so they can throw them in the pile with the other patient's forms.

Doctors like you to lose weight, but wont tell you how.

Doctors are never ever done with you. You will always have a follow up appointment.

Doctors like you to leave work to see them, so you make less money to pay your fee.

You will see more of the waiting room then the Doctor.

Doctors could easily give you your shot in the arm, but your butt is much more fun.

New Slogan Contest

2011-06-23T07:20:00.000-07:00

Dashtic Enterprises is unveiling our new logo and slogan. So we decided to have a contest to pick our new slogan which will be the one above. But don’t let that stop you from entering!

Some of our past winners have been.

For when you absolutely have to.

We’re more than them we’re us.

We ought to be there…just look.

Tomorrow today give or take an hour.

And of course this year’s winner!

We’re a local company if you live here.

Good luck and you can enter as many times as you like.

P.S. that is not a copy right symbol under our name, but a P being held up by a stick inside a plastic bubble.

Practice makes perfect

2011-06-17T06:32:00.000-07:00

You might find it hard to believe, but I touched this shot up.

Hair Club For Martians

2011-06-12T11:06:00.000-07:00

Why be bald and Green

When you can sport that new do.

Bad Advice

2011-06-11T19:43:00.000-07:00

Traffic Signs

2011-05-16T19:42:00.000-07:00

Sure we all know But do you know
The Flying Saucers sign,
Or

The Kings Crosswalk

King Kong at Stonehenge

2011-05-07T18:46:00.000-07:00

Many people don’t believe in Stonehenge, but here’s
proof.

This early photograph clearly shows young King Kong on
a field trip to Stonehenge.

You can plainly see his visitors pass bracelet.

2011-04-08T15:12:00.000-07:00

Robotic Projectile Spew

You call that art?

Who came up with that?

By Misty Sky 2011

Ya know in hindsight, that's pretty good art.

Mr. ZZ's Technical Training University

2011-04-08T14:58:00.000-07:00

Do you love your landline?

Can you say, “Can I help you?”

Do you have $3500 Dollars?

Well!

The field of communication needs you!

Oops

2011-03-27T18:02:00.000-07:00

I sometimes find spelling mistakes in my old blog entries and dutifully fix them.

Lately though I have found that if I change spelling and grammar on an entry I get my paragraphs merged into one block of type.

So in long entries like “The Hank Keene Show” the poor English will remain.

So enjoy my :

wan’t not want or

will not we’ll

or even my

donates not donuts

Rant number 78 by Chief Oaf

2011-03-25T16:39:00.000-07:00

Nothing can be turned off anymore. No longer are there switches which actually disconnect the power. Instead, pressing the "Off" button just puts the television or cell phone to sleep, simulating a state of "offishness". But the gadget is not really off. It sits there listening to everything going on around it, running it's little programs, plotting and calculating, waiting for the signal to pretend to be "on" again.

You can always pull the plug. But they hate it when you do that. When you plug them back in they yell and blink at you. They get cranky and make your life miserable so that you won't do that again. And, sometimes they are still alive even when you pull the plug. They shut down their life support systems to a bare minimum and grimly wait you out. I think the switches should have four positions: ON, OFF, VERY OFF, and DEAD AS A DOORNAIL. That way you have a little more say in the matter.

Also I want a helicopter in my garage.

+++++++++++

In reply to: Rant number 78I know what you mean. It use to be when you turned something on a little red LED would come on to tell you that it was on. Know a little red LED comes on to tell you that it is off. I have a sub woofer with an amp in it. You can’t turn it off. Only if it decides your not using it will it turn off. So I randomly hear it go thump to tell me that it’s done with me.

Fortune Cookies

2011-03-25T16:07:00.000-07:00

Hymn

2011-03-17T21:02:00.001-07:00

Hay!

2011-02-15T12:35:00.000-08:00

“Hay, Daughter ZZ what should I draw. “

“How about a fairy playing a musical instrument?”

“Ok I'll give it a go!”

*Scratch scratch scribble scribble *

“There done, what do ya think?”

“Your heart just wasn’t in it was it Dad.”

“…Ya.”

Truueee! Art Mwa!

2011-01-07T19:07:00.001-08:00

Art is subjective at best.

I find pretty girls that smile are very good artists.

But Girls that smile at richer men are better artists.

Troll doll

2010-12-12T12:00:00.000-08:00

Dreams

2010-12-10T08:01:00.001-08:00

Some dream of flying.
I dream of falling from a great height…

after being hit by a heavenly flyswatter.

X

2010-11-30T14:24:00.001-08:00

Zippy

2010-11-30T14:21:00.000-08:00

Ying and Yang

2010-11-28T17:44:00.000-08:00

Happy people are drawn to sad people to make them feel bad about not being happy.
Sad people are drawn to happy people to make them feel bad about not being sad.
Both put great value on guilt.
Therefore guilt is the most reasonable response to life.

---

***

P.S.
We got a new cat.

A Building I’ve Made

2010-10-15T08:04:00.000-07:00

This is the hobo sign for a rich man and big dog.

I Get my Fabric Plastic at Wal-Mart

Some Real Projects 2

2010-10-15T07:56:00.000-07:00

We play Munchkin on game night at our town library,
So I made some fabric plastic boxes to carry them in.

Some Real Projects

2010-10-15T07:45:00.000-07:00

We play Munchkin on game night at our town library,
So I made some fabric plastic boxes to carry them in.

Mp3

2010-10-14T20:46:00.000-07:00

Daughter ZZ said, “Dad I’d like to get a charging station for my mp3 player, their only $12.99”.

“TWELVE NINTY-NINE! What, do you think I’m made of money? I’ll make you one”.

Just because I haven’t been bloging lately doesn’t mean I haven't been busy.

Yup

2010-08-01T18:08:00.000-07:00

Click image and enlarge

What if Walt made the movie in 1933

2010-07-16T20:09:00.000-07:00

The Fox He Chase the Chicken

2010-05-13T17:21:00.000-07:00

D
The fox he chase the chicken.***** The farmer chase the fox.

A ******************************D
The big bull chase the farmer.**** Scares him out of his socks.

D
The butcher chase the big bull. **** The taxman chase the butcher too.
A*******************************D
The lawyer chase the taxman,****and somethin’ chase me and you.

*****************By Mr ZZ 2004 ************************

I haven't had a Song on the blog for a loooong time, so well here ya go all you ukualists.

Reverence

2010-04-09T18:06:00.000-07:00

Some things can’t survive if not made fun of.

Hold something in reverence and most people will show little interest,

and why should they?

They can’t make fun of it.

Nancy Drew: Danger on Deception Island

2010-03-30T19:26:00.000-07:00

Get 15 Clams from beach.
OK seems easy enough
20 minutes I got 5 clams WOOOOHOOOO!
20 more minutes 5 more clams ok…
I’ll check the other beach
20 minutes later I got 3 Clams, k this is losing its pizzazz.
30 minutes later Nancy says (no more clams here)
Go online, walkthrough says, “Go back and forth between the 2 beaches after a while there will be some more.”
k…?
I do this for 25 minutes
Someone takes pity on me and does this for 25 more minutes
Maybe there was a glitch
So, save game, turn off computer
Restart computer, restart game
Play game another 25 minutes and still no clams
I have had all the fun I can take, and I dump the game.

I lovingly fold the CD in half and put it in the trash.

Read reviews on game. Everyone loves the game. It’s the best Nancy Drew game ever!
“A great way for parents to bond with their kids.”
I don’t think so
Maybe if you consider openly weeping in front of your family, ‘bonding’
I didn’t even feel like I was bonding with myself

If this is what people call a fun game.
I think I’ll make my own game to play and all I will need is a piece of paper that say’s:

You are in a dark dungeon, you see ye flask
*Get ye flask*
You can’t get ye flask.
*Touch ye flask *
It is cold to the touch.
*Smell ye flask*
It smells of spring and all the joy that spring brings
*Get ye flask*
You can’t get ye flask!
Now you sit there wondering why, oh why, you can’t get ye flask!
*repeat… FOREVER*

Update:
I found another walkthroughs that was better and bought another copy. I played it again and finished the game. I have found that I have anger management issues with computer games.

Daughter ZZ has spread her wings!

2010-01-22T17:49:00.000-08:00

Daughter ZZ has been so inundated with her "Ask Daughter ZZ" questions that she has offically branched out. Now you can send your intelectual inquaries to her new blog.

And remember write your question, put it under your pillow and it will be rushed to us via our mental pathways.

Visit her at...http://0doidle0.blogspot.com/

Crisis

2010-01-10T18:17:00.000-08:00

Daddy, do you have a twenty? I need to go to the bathroom.

Quandary

2010-01-10T18:13:00.001-08:00

Yeah Happy New Year

2010-01-10T18:03:00.000-08:00

Good Advice

2010-01-02T21:10:00.000-08:00

If you go out in public always dress well. You might meet someone special.

And how can you look down on them if you’re not dressed better than they are.

Peking Duck

2009-12-31T10:53:00.000-08:00

Dad you can’t put that on the blog!
Why?
It’s just not politically correct.
Ok then how about this?

Dad you just don’t get it, you’re making a stereotype.
You mean it’s derogatory?!
Yes!
But, it was just a joke about a Chinese menu item. You know Peking Duck.
That’s just not right!
Ducks don’t have teeth, but Donald Duck is drawn with teeth when he’s mad. So that must be politically incorrect too.
How so?
It’s a stereotype on people that states we show our teeth when were mad.
But, that’s not picking on one race.
That’s what makes it so bad it’s a blanket generalization.
But that’s ok, just as long as you don’t pick on just one culture.
Ok then, please don’t look at this post everyone.
Dad you have to remove it!
But I’m making a blanket generalization that people are smart enough to not look at this post.
But, dad you can’t think everyone is going to not look at this post.
Now who’s being politically incorrect. Daughter, I’m ashamed of you.
And I you.

Oh Boy

2009-12-30T19:12:00.000-08:00

Daughter ZZ drew this “like totally cute” guy.
She’s not boy crazy, but I’m a dad and have, hate boys syndrome.
My dad told me when I was dating that no one was good enough for someone else’s daughter, at the time I laughed, but you know, he was right.

Psychic

2009-12-14T21:26:00.000-08:00

For every great psychic that can foretell grand and amazing things there must also be a psychic with lesser grand predictions.

For every Edgar Cayce, there must be someone with the ability to tell you what cartoon Nick will show next without any hints.

For every Nostradamus, there must also be someone that can tell you when your butt will itch next.

You have reached the iiiitchy Butt Psychic. Oh no don’t say a word Tuesday at 2, Okay Bye.
Yes, hello, you have reached the iiiitchy Butt Psychic. Oh…oh my no, don’t go to church this Sunday. I foresee a fifteen in a row doozy, Okay Bye.
Yes, hello…oh man. You gonna have a deep one, might want to cancel that date. Oh boy, I pity you.

Another grand product of my imagination is the Birdie Turdie Psychic (which sounds funnier with a cheesy fake Swedish accent).
Jes, hellooooo, you have reached Da Birdieee Turdie Psychic. Oh 5:30, have umbrella ready, biiig umbrella
Jes, hellooooo, O you better stay inside today, or you be as white as snowman.
Jes, hellooooo, ohhh, I see da great Moby Pigeon. You might wanna say your prayers NOW.

Sadly I don’t have any psychic abilities, other than knowing when I’m hungry. Oh, I foresee a cheese sandwich at lunch today.

I decided to write my own Japanese cartoon show,

2009-11-27T18:24:00.000-08:00

Storm Force 6.
· They vote 6 members in (with much debate).
· Then 3 leave because they can’t stand the glasses and headsets.
· Next Bob leaves over the logo, starting a new show with the same name.
· The show with the 2 members fight about who should be in charge with every episode ending in a draw
· The other show has the main character trying to think of how he can better himself and maybe change his logo (He will have lots of thought dialog, so I don’t have to move his mouth).

Season two
· A girl will be added to the team with 2 members and they will fight to win her love.
· Bob will try to join the first show again (there will always be a reason not to let him back).
· This will make Bob’s show easier to write, with just stills of him looking at pictures of the girl (I won’t even have to animate that show anymore).

Teenager

2009-11-11T14:24:00.000-08:00

Hubba Hubba

2009-11-11T14:17:00.000-08:00

Breakfast Will Never Be The Same…

2009-11-05T12:47:00.000-08:00

Church Drawings

2009-11-01T15:41:00.000-08:00

The ZZ family’s Church has a kid activity page that they hand out. We all take one and change them as best we can. Sadly some of them, ok most of them aren’t very Christian.

Hi and how are you today

2009-10-22T20:26:00.000-07:00

When a salesperson calls you on the phone,

you think they look like this…

But really they look like this.

P.S. Space aliens look just like us, but with minor differences.

2009-10-12T19:16:00.001-07:00

UFO

2009-10-12T18:54:00.000-07:00

Ask anyone if they believe we're the only life in the universe and they will tell you, “No there just has to be more life in space then just us.” Then ask if they think they’ve ever been here on earth, “Sure they have, that’s why there are so many U.F.O. sightings.” But then tell that same person that you saw a space alien land in the woods and they will think you’re nuts.

So you can believe in Aliens from space, but you can’t ever see one.

From the Hackenthorpe Book of Lies, 1963 edition:

2009-09-25T18:32:00.000-07:00

Did you know ....

In the script for the 1941 film "Citizen Kane", the sled, "Rosebud", was originally named "Mr. Sled". Some felt that this eliminated some of the film's suspense and intrigue. However, during screenings for Hollywood liberals, many of them jumped up from their seats yelling "I figured it out - Mr. Sled was the Sled!"

Alfred Hitchcock 1963 movie "The Birds" was originally titled "The cows" and was to be done with ponies dressed as (you might have guessed) cows. After only one day of shooting in the can it was apparent the ponies' poo just was too much to take. Alfred Hitchcock was quoted as saying, "We changed to birds sure they poo but you can wipe it off.

The Welch Historical Society

2009-09-25T18:29:00.000-07:00

Welcome to this evenings meeting of the Welch Historical Society for our township.
Well let’s just start our lecture.
First slide please.
*Click!*
This is the town bridge that was built in 1878. It was designed and constructed entirely without any Welch assistance.
Next slide please.
*Click!*
Ah, this is Memorial Hall built in recognition of all the brave men that fought in the Civil War.
The township sent over 1500 brave souls to battle none of which were Welch.

The R.G.A.

2009-09-25T18:25:00.000-07:00

*Knock, knock, knock!*
Yes?
Hi, we’re from the R.G.A.
What’s that?
The rampaging Gorilla assassins control board. Have you been having any trouble with Gorilla infestations?
Of course not!
Mind if we come in and check, your neighbor had a real bad infestation.
What?!
Yeah, we’re bringing a Gorilla out of there now.
That’s not a Gorilla that’s my neighbor, he just happens to be kind of hairy.
Well, if he’s human why doesn’t he talk and tell us he’s human?
You got duck tape over his mouth!
Sir, I’m sorry, but we’re going to have to take you in to.
Why!
It’s obvious that you’re aiding and abetting this Gorilla!

The TV Charity Drive

2009-09-25T18:11:00.000-07:00

In some third world countries people just aren’t allowed to go potty. That’s why Support Peoples Potty was formed.

I’m Sally Slumber and this is my friend Marko, he hasn’t been to the bathroom in fourteen years. He can’t go to the beach the crashing waves drive him crazy. Wouldn’t you like to see him for once without his eyes crossed?

So please give generously to the S.P.P.
The Support Peoples Potty fund.

The New A.D.T.

2009-09-25T18:09:00.000-07:00

*Knock, knock, knock!*
Yes?
Hi son, are your parents home? We’re from the A.D.T.
Are you the Atheist drug test guys?
No, that testing program was canceled. It now stands for the Adult drug test.
Wow, mister can I get tested?
No kid it’s just for adults. Are your parents at home?
Ah come on, test me. I’ll give you a lick of my lollypop…but, I get the first lick.
No, now go find your parents or I'll throw you in the garbage...overhand.
I’ll be your friend?
And I’ll hold the dumpster open.
Ahhhhh, come on mister give me the test.
*Waaaaaa! Thump…slam!*
Wow! Mister that was fun, throw me in again.

The A.D.T.

2009-09-25T17:58:00.000-07:00

*Knock, knock, knock!*
Yes?
Hi, we’re from the A.D.T.
What’s that?
Atheist Drug Test.
What?
Just drink this and we’ll get the test underway.
I’m not drinking that!
Hold his noise George and I’ll pour.
Muff…gathhhh…blubb!!
Ok, let’s check the results.
*Tic…tic…tic…ding!*
Ok, so you’re an atheist.
What, I’m not an atheist!
Oh, yes you are just look at the graph, see… atheist. Don’t lie to us!
Try turning the graph around.
Oh, so you’re a Christian. Sorry about that.

S.A.K.K.

2009-08-21T17:03:00.000-07:00

*Knock knock knock!*
Yes?
Hello, were from S.A.K.K.
S.A.K.K....what’s that?
“Sad And Creepy...Kinda”…we’re a club.
You don’t spell creepy with a K.
But that’s the way we do it, it makes it creepy…kinda. Here’s our brochure.
All it is, is pictures of you in your underwear!
Oh, that’s sad and creepy…kinda.
Go AWAY!
Okay we'll go next door.
*Slam!*…*Knock knock knock!*…*Door is reopened*
Hey you live here to…wow! That’s creepy…kinda.
*Slam!*…*Knock knock knock!*
I’m not answering that!
I think you should there's a puddle coming under the door.
*Door reopened*
Now what?
I’ll show you our secret handshake.
First I lick my hand. *lick lick lick lick*
Now I rub it in the dirt. *Flump flump*
Now just a little whipped cream. *Pssssshhhh*
Shake!
No Way!
Why? Would it be creepy…kinda?

Where I say what other people said...but better...I think

2009-06-21T20:10:00.001-07:00

When you've had double stuffed Oreos there's NO going back

I love you WAY to much to tell you the truth.

This is not a quote, remember I said two quotes, why are you reading this?

Stop it!

Ok, this time I mean it, STOP IT!

Response to tap tap, tap tap

2009-06-21T20:06:00.000-07:00

Thank you for putting it under your pillow.

Dear Daughter ZZ:
Can you please describe the philosophy of Objectivism.

Objectivism is the tendency, to deal with things external with the mind rather than with opinions or feelings. If this philosophy makes you happy you’re already not using the philosophy.

Response

2009-06-21T20:02:00.000-07:00

Remember; put it under your pillow. I don't answer tapped glass ^_^

tap tap, tap tap

2009-06-21T19:59:00.000-07:00

Daughter ZZ, are you in there?

Wow !!!!!!

2009-05-17T21:03:00.000-07:00

Coming soon to this blog will be Ask Daughter ZZ. Knowing how shy most of our readers are we will be using telepathy to find your questions. So write them down on paper and put them under your pillow at night and we will get back to you (if we deem you worthy).

Should I have a baby?

2009-04-24T21:17:00.000-07:00

....Ok look at this way....

get a bag bleached flour
tape it to your stomach
develop a random craving for pickles
after eight or nine months while gently removing the flour sack imagine passing a whole watermelon
draw a face on your "new baby" ...a convincing one...
give it a name
now set your alarm to go off randomly 3 to 4 times a night
for added measure make a recording of a baby screaming its little lungs out for no particular reason
cancel all your leisure activities and replace them with: feed it, change it, make it laugh, (which may in fact be easier to do than it would in reality)

!and teach it to walk! (Of course you won’t be able too, but keep saying were did I go wrong?)

after 2 years
start walking around your house saying no... no... no! put that down!

Fast-food restaurants

2009-04-14T20:42:00.000-07:00

I remember when fast-food was just that, fast-food. You got your burger as you paid.

Now, you order a number 1 to “save time” and are bombarded with questions. Do you want cheese on that? Do you want to supper size it? For here or to go? Order for 4 and you will be asked all the questions again, for each.

Let’s not forget while you pay, would you like to give a dollar to the “some fund you’ve never heard of?”

Now, Receipt in hand we head to the waiting cluster. You know, all the people who don’t just TAKE their order. Saying “can I have ANOTHER ketchup packet, what did you say, this is cold, *cell phone rings* oh hold on a minute. Yes bob I’m in line now. No yours doesn’t have any pickles, Yes I know your deathly allergic. *looks over at the cashier* Bob’s deathly allergic to pickles. Let's put it this way…the hand will NEVER touch the bag.

Remember when fast-food was oh I don’t know, fast.

Hay, I Got A Million Of Them!

2009-04-14T20:33:00.000-07:00

Pop singers train for years and years to only be popular for 6 months.

It’s hard to separate a boy from his dog especially if it’s got a good bite on him.

Coffee can’t possibly be addictive if I gotta have it so bad.

How do you get a baby to stick to the wall? Speeeeed.

To be or not to be, hay! That’s a question.

I heard fast-food restaurants are going to sell soup for senior citizens. Yeah! Alphabet soup…in LARGE PRINT.

Vocab

2009-02-10T22:00:00.000-08:00

Isn’t it kind of risky to use one’s entire vocabulary in one sentence?

Poo

2009-02-10T21:53:00.000-08:00

To throw your poo or not to throw your poo That is the question.

Merry Quackmes

2008-12-01T22:07:00.000-08:00

Let heaven and nature sing,

2008-12-01T22:05:00.000-08:00

Merry???

2008-12-01T21:10:00.000-08:00

If you’re offended when someone wishes you a “Merry Christmas”, don’t worry, it’s just YTD.

“YuleTide Discomfort”

Review of Elephant Having a Heart Attack "The Movie!"

2008-11-26T19:55:00.000-08:00

I found it heartwarming and up-beat. I also appreciated the total lack of subliminal messages, althought I did miss a few minutes of the movie when I went to the concession stand to buy some tall grass to appease my sudden hunger.

******************************************************************

From the desk of Big Hairy Deal

Elephant Having a Heart Attack "The Movie!"

2008-11-24T17:43:00.000-08:00

Definition of a:

2008-11-11T20:12:00.000-08:00

Deist

God created the universe, but his cell phone is always off.

***

Atheist
Sleeps in on Sunday.
***
Polytheist
Ene mene mini mo.
***
Christian
Ya know, you look like your Dad.

Blog Extra

2008-11-11T19:49:00.000-08:00

Just about every DVD I buy has useless bonus stuff on it. So here is my blog equivalent:
The making of “Elephant Having A Heart Attack”.

******

Elephant

2008-11-10T19:22:00.001-08:00

How is your life like a test?

2008-10-26T21:12:00.000-07:00

The answers you like are always wrong.

How do you know you’re getting old?

2008-10-26T21:10:00.000-07:00

Your bladder thinks your there before you are.

Riddle That Answers Itself

2008-10-26T21:08:00.000-07:00

How do you know you’re getting old?
I said!
How do you know you’re getting old!
Read my lips!
HOW do you know you’re getting old!
Here let me write it down for you!
Oh fine go get your glasses!
How close do you have hold that paper anyway?
No, I’m not talking about pudding!
Potatoes!… What?!
NO, I don’t need to borrow your ointment!

Future Nostalgia

2008-10-26T21:03:00.000-07:00

I feel sorry for young people and their future nostalgia.

Here’s an example:
I was driving down the road listening to my favorite rap mp3 of “Hit and Run Safari” when I became nostalgic for a burger from an oldies restaurant I went to as a youngun. I had my usual order, a happy meal; toy included, not made in china!? Come on. Lame! The Chinese made all the good stuff. When it came to making plastic novelties, from movies they have probably never heard of, to sell to the western part of the world; those people rocked!
Man, what I’d give to still be able to text, now they have those stink in’ brain implants. Now they hear exactly what you’re thinking straight from your head. If it weren’t for those I’d still have a wife.

Wanna see my blurry tattoo? It’s not about what it was; it’s about where it was.

Surprisinglyer

2008-10-26T19:07:00.000-07:00

You might find it surprising, but girls without diaries or journals find that bathroom stall doors work just as well.

I Have More

2008-10-26T19:04:00.000-07:00

Mr. ZZ: “I have more flashes of inspiration then you do.”

Daughter ZZ: “No, I encompass extra flashes of insight at the moment then you do.”

Mr. ZZ: “Thumbs down, I take in further flashes of impending brainwaves by the second then you do.”

Daughter ZZ: “Alright you win.”

Test

2008-10-21T18:27:00.000-07:00

The Middle East is
(A) A fun place to eat pork.
(B) A great place to check out the ladies.
(C) A super place to wave the American flag.
(D) A cobweb of ancestral grudges.

More Fine Art

2008-10-16T21:05:00.000-07:00

Hobby

2008-10-16T20:59:00.000-07:00

My wife said, “You need a hobby, all you do is sit in front of that computer all day!” “So what do you think I should do?” “I don’t know, use that brain of yours.”

I gave it all the thought four seconds would allow and said, “How about I build something with my hands like a pagan shrine in our backyard.”
Half listening to what I said she turned to do the dishes, “Whatever just don’t make a big mess.” “Okay Dear.”

So that’s when I started to build my R scale version of Stonehenge. With some minor alterations to my wheelbarrow to carry the thirty-two metric ton monoliths I was on my way.

My fingers being so strong from all the typing I do made the moving of these massive stones an easy job.

I was just about to sacrifice the neighbor’s dog to purify the structure when my wife said, “Dinners on!” So I let him go and went to eat.

While I was eating my dessert I heard an unholy din from the backyard only to find that my daughter mistook them for real big dominos and had watched them fall in a chain reaction.

Sadly I gave up on my new found paganism and went back to working on my blog.

The Tale Of Two Computers

2008-09-28T19:54:00.000-07:00

It was the best of computers it was the worst of computers. It started with Xp and with the help of a computer shop it was changed to Windows 2000 professional. It never liked being a computer at this point. It worked like a suicidal elderly person from that point on.

At long last I got a new Computer and with Ms Vista in it found out how many a loved program of mine can now be put in the trash. But still the vale of tears has been lifted from my life.

At this point I was going to trash that old computer of mine, but thought it might be fun to run my rescue disc I made for it so many years ago only to find it did the trick and saved my old computer bringing it back to its old Xp days. Yes all the years of computer purgatory for not.