Mr. ZZ's Ukulele songs and humor

Teenager

noreply@blogger.com (Mr ZZ) — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 22:24:00 +0000

Hubba Hubba

noreply@blogger.com (Mr ZZ) — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 22:17:00 +0000

Breakfast Will Never Be The Same…

noreply@blogger.com (Mr ZZ) — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 20:47:00 +0000

Church Drawings

noreply@blogger.com (Mr ZZ) — Sun, 01 Nov 2009 23:41:00 +0000

The ZZ family’s Church has a kid activity page that they hand out. We all take one and change them as best we can. Sadly some of them, ok most of them aren’t very Christian.

Hi and how are you today

noreply@blogger.com (Mr ZZ) — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 03:26:00 +0000

When a salesperson calls you on the phone,

you think they look like this…

But really they look like this.

P.S. Space aliens look just like us, but with minor differences.

noreply@blogger.com (Mr ZZ) — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 02:16:00 +0000

UFO

noreply@blogger.com (Mr ZZ) — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 01:54:00 +0000

Ask anyone if they believe we're the only life in the universe and they will tell you, “No there just has to be more life in space then just us.” Then ask if they think they’ve ever been here on earth, “Sure they have, that’s why there are so many U.F.O. sightings.” But then tell that same person that you saw a space alien land in the woods and they will think you’re nuts.

So you can believe in Aliens from space, but you can’t ever see one.

From the Hackenthorpe Book of Lies, 1963 edition:

noreply@blogger.com (Mr ZZ) — Sat, 26 Sep 2009 01:32:00 +0000

Did you know ....

In the script for the 1941 film "Citizen Kane", the sled, "Rosebud", was originally named "Mr. Sled". Some felt that this eliminated some of the film's suspense and intrigue. However, during screenings for Hollywood liberals, many of them jumped up from their seats yelling "I figured it out - Mr. Sled was the Sled!"

Alfred Hitchcock 1963 movie "The Birds" was originally titled "The cows" and was to be done with ponies dressed as (you might have guessed) cows. After only one day of shooting in the can it was apparent the ponies poo just was too much to take. Alfred Hitchcock was quoted as saying, "We changed to birds sure they poo but you can wipe it off.

The Welch Historical Society

noreply@blogger.com (Mr ZZ) — Sat, 26 Sep 2009 01:29:00 +0000

Welcome to this evenings meeting of the Welch Historical Society for our township.
Well let’s just start our lecture.
First slide please.
*Click!*
This is the town bridge that was built in 1878. It was designed and constructed entirely without any Welch assistance.
Next slide please.
*Click!*
Ah, this is Memorial Hall built in recognition of all the brave men that fought in the Civil War.
The township sent over 1500 brave souls to battle none of which were Welch.

The R.G.A.

noreply@blogger.com (Mr ZZ) — Sat, 26 Sep 2009 01:25:00 +0000

*Knock, knock, knock!*

Yes?

Hi, we’re from the R.G.A.

What’s that?

The rampaging Gorilla assassins control board. Have you been having any trouble with Gorilla infestations?

Of course not!

Mind if we come in and check, your neighbor had a real bad infestation.

What?!

Yeah, we’re bringing a Gorilla out of there now.

That’s not a Gorilla that’s my neighbor, he just happens to be kind of hairy.

Well, if he’s human why doesn’t he talk and tell us he’s human?

You got duck tape over his mouth!

Sir, I’m sorry, but we’re going to have to take you in to.

Why!

It’s obvious that you’re aiding and abetting this Gorilla!

The TV Charity Drive

noreply@blogger.com (Mr ZZ) — Sat, 26 Sep 2009 01:11:00 +0000

In some third world countries people just aren’t allowed to go potty. That’s why Support Peoples Potty was formed.

I’m Sally Slumber and this is my friend Marko, he hasn’t been to the bathroom in fourteen years. He can’t go to the beach the crashing waves drive him crazy. Wouldn’t you like to see him for once without his eyes crossed?

So please give generously to the S.P.P.
The Support Peoples Potty fund.

The New A.D.T.

noreply@blogger.com (Mr ZZ) — Sat, 26 Sep 2009 01:09:00 +0000

*Knock, knock, knock!*

Yes?

Hi son, are your parents home? We’re from the A.D.T.

Are you the Atheist drug test guys?

No, that testing program was canceled. It now stands for the Adult drug test.

Wow, mister can I get tested?

No kid it’s just for adults. Are your parents at home?

Ah come on, test me. I’ll give you a lick of my lollypop…but, I get the first lick.

No, now go find your parents or will throw you away. And I don’t mean overhand.

I’ll be your friend?

And I’ll hold the dumpster open.

Ahhhhh, come on mister give me the test.

*Waaaaaa! Thump…slam!*

Wow! Mister that was fun, throw me in again.

The A.D.T.

noreply@blogger.com (Mr ZZ) — Sat, 26 Sep 2009 00:58:00 +0000

*Knock, knock, knock!*

Yes?

Hi, we’re from the A.D.T.

What’s that?

Atheist Drug Test.

What?

Just drink this and we’ll get the test underway.

I’m not drinking that!

Hold his noise George and I’ll pour.

Muff…gathhhh…blubb!!

Ok, let’s check the results.

*Tic…tic…tic…ding!*

Ok, so you’re an atheist.

What, I’m not an atheist!

Oh, yes you are just look at the graph, see… atheist. Don’t lie to us!

Try turning the graph around.

Oh, so you’re a Christian. Sorry about that.

S.A.K.K.

noreply@blogger.com (Mr ZZ) — Sat, 22 Aug 2009 00:03:00 +0000

*Knock knock knock!*

Yes?

Hello, were from S.A.K.K.

S.A.K.K....what’s that?

“Sad And Creepy...Kinda”…we’re a club.

You don’t spell creepy with a K.

But that’s the way we do it, it makes it creepy…kinda. Here’s our brochure.

All it is, is pictures of you in your underwear!

Oh, that’s sad and creepy…kinda.

Go AWAY!

Okay will go next door.

*Slam!*…*Knock knock knock!*…*Door is reopened*

Hey you live here to…wow! That’s creepy…kinda.

*Slam!*…*Knock knock knock!*

I’m not answering that!

I think you should there's a puddle coming under the door.

*Door reopened*

Know what?

I’ll show you our secret handshake.
First I lick my hand. *lick lick lick lick*
Now I rub it in the dirt. *Flump flump*
Now just a little whipped cream. *Pssssshhhh*
Shake!

No Way!

Why? Would it be creepy…kinda?

Where I say what other people said...but better...I think

noreply@blogger.com (Mr ZZ) — Mon, 22 Jun 2009 03:10:00 +0000

When you've had double stuffed oreos theres NO going back

I love you WAY to much to tell you the truth.

This is not a quote, remember I said two quotes, why are you reading this?

Stop it!

Ok, this time I mean it, STOP IT!

Response to tap tap, tap tap

noreply@blogger.com (Mr ZZ) — Mon, 22 Jun 2009 03:06:00 +0000

Thank you for putting it under your pillow.

Dear Daughter ZZ:
Can you please describe the philosophy of Objectivism.

Objectivism is the tendency, to deal with things external with the mind rather than with opinions or feelings. If this philosophy makes you happy you’re already not using the philosophy.

Response

noreply@blogger.com (Mr ZZ) — Mon, 22 Jun 2009 03:02:00 +0000

Remember, put it under your pillow. I don't answer tapped glass ^_^

tap tap, tap tap

noreply@blogger.com (Mr ZZ) — Mon, 22 Jun 2009 02:59:00 +0000

Daughter ZZ, are you in there?

Wow !!!!!!

noreply@blogger.com (Mr ZZ) — Mon, 18 May 2009 04:03:00 +0000

Coming soon to this blog will be Ask Daughter ZZ. Knowing how shy most of our readers are we will be using telepathy to find your questions. So write them down on paper and put them under your pillow at night and we will get back to you (if we deem you worthy).

Should I have a baby?

noreply@blogger.com (Mr ZZ) — Sat, 25 Apr 2009 04:17:00 +0000

....Ok look at this way....

get a bag bleached flour
tape it to your stomach
develope a random craving for pickles
after eight or nine months while gently removing the flour sack imagine passing a whole watermelon
draw a face on your "new baby" ...a convincing one...
give it a name
now set your alarm to go off randomly 3 to 4 times a night
for added measure make a recording of a baby screaming its little lungs out for no particular reason
cancel all your leisure activities and replace them with: feed it, change it, make it laugh, (which may in fact be easier to do than it would in reality)

!and teach it to walk! (Of course you won’t be able too, but keep saying were did I go wrong?)

after 2 years
start walking around your house saying no... no... no! put that down

Fast-food restaurants

noreply@blogger.com (Mr ZZ) — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 03:42:00 +0000

I remember when fast-food was just that, fast-food. You got your burger as you paid.

Now, you order a number 1 to “save time” and are bombarded with questions. Do you want cheese on that? Do you want to supper size it? For here or to go? Order for 4 and you will be asked all the questions again, for each.

Let’s not forget while you pay, would you like to give a dollar to the “some fund you’ve never heard of?”

Now, Receipt in hand we head to the waiting cluster. You know, all the people who don’t just TAKE their order. Saying “can I have ANOTHER ketchup packet, what did you say, this is cold, *cell phone rings* oh hold on a minute. Yes bob I’m in line now. No yours doesn’t have any pickles, Yes I know your deathly allergic. *looks over at the cashier* Bob’s deathly allergic to pickles. Lets put it this way…the hand will NEVER touch the bag.

Remember when fast-food was oh I don’t know, fast.

Hay, I Got A Million Of Them!

noreply@blogger.com (Mr ZZ) — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 03:33:00 +0000

Pop singers train for years and years to only be popular for 6 months.

It’s hard to separate a boy from his dog especially if it’s got a good bite on him.

Coffee can’t possibly be addictive if I gotta have it so bad.

How do you get a baby to stick to the wall? Speeeeed.

To be or not to be, hay! That’s a question.

I heard fast-food restaurants are going to sell soup for senior citizens. Yeah! Alphabet soup…in LARGE PRINT.

Vocab

noreply@blogger.com (Mr ZZ) — Wed, 11 Feb 2009 06:00:00 +0000

Isn’t it kind of risky to use one’s entire vocabulary in one sentence?

Poo

noreply@blogger.com (Mr ZZ) — Wed, 11 Feb 2009 05:53:00 +0000

To throw your poo or not to throw your poo That is the question.

Merry Quackmes

noreply@blogger.com (Mr ZZ) — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 06:07:00 +0000